“Living life on life’s terms…”
I want the world to stop while I’m working the 12 steps. I want to be able to just focus on them and nothing else. Throughout life when I have been going through difficult things I have just wanted the world to stop, so I could check out of my life. My internal monologue wondered, “can’t the world just stop, don’t they know…. my Dad died…. I was abused…. I need a break…. I’m going through the 12 steps…” Part of my disease is that I want the world to revolve around me. I am learning in Overeaters Anonymous that the world keeps turning even when bad things happen. There is never going to be the perfect time to lose weight, work the steps or get my life on track. I have to work on these things every day, while also participating in the rest of my life. It’s hard and it’s not always fun, but day by day I am trying to work the steps while still dealing with messy relationships, work, grocery shopping, my cat and everything else that comes along with living. I don’t do any of this perfectly, but I try my best not to slip into feeling sorry for myself. Some tools that have helped me are: reaching out to program friends, calling my sponsor, writing and doing my step work.
Reaching out to program friends, helps me remember I’m not alone in this. Program friends understand me like no one else can. They know the pain of trying to control this disease through will power alone.. They give me strength when I want to give in. Calling my sponsor reminds me that I have disease. She points out the conniving ways my disease tricks my brain. My sponsor is my daily dose of reality. I have spent so long in the disease of compulsive eating, that I’m not always able to recognize the many lies it tells me. Writing helps me see my life in a way living it never can. I have recently finished my 4th Step and I have learned so much about myself in the process. Writing is helping me to learn that I am not a bad person just because I’ve done bad things, like the literature says, “we are not failures just because we sometimes fail.” I am learning through my writing and step work to accept myself as a fallible human being. To others this is a given, but for me, the idea that I don’t have to be perfect all the time is freedom. It will take time to change my thought patterns, just as it took time to learn them. I am here for the long haul and grateful for all the gifts this program continues to give me.
“Prayer is talking to our Higher Power and meditation is listening to Him/Her.”
I’ve heard it said that prayer is talking to our Higher Power and meditation is listening to Him/Her. I learned to practice prayer my first time through OA back in the early 80’s. I wasn’t very good at meditation then.
The first time I remember meditating was at a retreat at Ferncliff my second time back in OA. I was walking the labyrinth near the little forest chapel. When you walk a labyrinth you are supposed to meditate on a question. I don’t remember what the question was, but all of a sudden I, clearly in my mind I heard the words “God is in control.” At the time it was the answer I needed to whatever my problem was.
Since that time there have been other occurrences of words coming through that served me in a time of need. “If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us… If our God is with us, then what could stand against?” are words that have come to mind when I have felt that I am facing difficult circumstances.
The message I keep hearing now is “The more I trust You, the more I grow”. These words reassure me that as I keep working the program, my recovery and my serenity will grow ever stronger.
“I can’t think my way into right action, I must act my way into right thinking.”
One of my favorite things I heard many years ago in OA goes something like this: ‘I can’t think my way into right action, I must act my way into right thinking’. This simple statement of action changed my whole world in OA. Somehow I missed the point that unless I took action in the program nothing would change. You see, my thinking sounds so good when I’m thinking it and it could be thinking that is way off base.
Speaking of thinking. If my best thinking got me to OA, what makes me think that my thinking can solve the food problem? When I finally surrendered my thinking and took the suggestions of my sponsor and this program, the whole world of OA opened up to me. I took the actions prescribed in the AA Big Book and the OA Literature. I took the actions suggested from my sponsor even when I didn’t believe her suggestions would work. Note: by the way her suggestions always worked. So again, I don’t even have to believe I just have to act and then I am shown the miracles of this program and Then I believe. This always sounded like a backward process to me. Once again my good thinking did not work. Only with action do I get to experience this wonderful new life and the freedom from the bondage of food. Gives me chills to just recount what the OA program has given me.
May you all stay around long enough to experience this wonderful life that OA can give you! You simply can’t imagine what it will be like until you experience it yourself.
“We relax and take it easy. We do not struggle”
These are powerful words from the Big Book. They tie into the reading I did this morning from the “Just for Today” trifold: “Just for Today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my ‘luck’ as it comes, and fit myself to it.” It is when I am struggling that I have lost my connection or trust in a power greater than myself. It is easy to fall back on relying on my own unsteady willpower…after all, it was my standard for so long! When I find myself becoming anxious or afraid I now see these as warning signs that I am off track in program. Pausing and taking a deep cleansing breath is an immediate way of centering myself with HP. Then my soul is open and ready to probe for the next right thing my Higher Power seeks for me to discover. It works if I work it. Relax…
“There is no magic in these rooms – but there are miracles.”
When I came into OA ten years ago, I weighed 350 pounds.
I loved food, and I ate and ate all the time.
However, I was very miserable and I looked awful. I needed to change.
A wonderful Sponsor guided me through this program of Recovery.
I used the Tools and practiced the Steps, and read many OA books.
My Higher Power removed the obsession of my trigger foods, and I lost 135 pounds.
My life had been changing and the promises became true!
Service had always been a part of my Recovery in OA.
— I attend 3-4 meetings a week and often lead the meetings.
— I was a trusted servant as treasurer for my home group.
— I am a Sponsor and work with my sponsees in studying the Steps.
— I attend two weekend Retreats and two Super Saturdays each year that Intergroup provides.
OA saved my life from the disease of compulsive overeating.
The Recovery program has been a miracle in my life!
When a vessel is in distress, they send out an SOS, the universal cry for help. Every mariner, pilot, and rescue team knows this signal, no matter their language or if the signal is sent via morse code, radio, or even written down! A ship’s captain knows that if they need help, they can call out an SOS, and receive assistance.
As an OA member, we have our own distress call. When life becomes overwhelming, and I feel like I am in a crisis, the program tells me that this is an S.O.S:
In times of anxiety and crisis, I am almost always completely powerless over the situation. These powerful words allow us to stop, breathe, and acknowledge that we cannot control this situation, and we are able to move forward with Steps Two and Three, acknowledging that our HP can restore us to sanity over this situation. Only then can we surrender the crisis to our HP and let her will guide us through the crisis and beyond.
The next time you feel overwhelmed, afraid, or just stressed out, remember that you need to issue your S.O.S to your Higher Power and work the steps on that situation.
“Let go and let God.”
As I contemplate all that is taking place in our world today the slogan “Let go and Let God” is more help than ever. In finding A God of my understanding and by working the steps I can now with faith and hope live the principles I have learned and allow God to continue to help me as the future unfolds.
“Attending meetings is not sufficient to get me recovered from compulsive eating any more than sitting in a garage gets me closer to being a Chevrolet.”
The good news, however, is that I CAN recover from compulsive eating even if I can never become a car! This is the hope that attending meetings provides to me. I see others with my same disease who are living happy, joyous, and free. It is in meetings that I hear their struggles and how they deal with them to stay abstinent. It is in meetings that I learn how to WORK a program. It is my responsibility to take what I hear in meetings and put it into action on my part. This is how to LIVE program and get me recovered from compulsive eating. I make no progress just simply going to meetings…I must take action! Stop sitting in the garage and get to work!
“HP please come between me and this food before it comes between you and me.”
I have been finding myself sharing frequently the under appreciated use of the pause. We live in a society that seems to push the people in our culture to go faster, be more efficient, multitask, and so forth.
But for me as a compulsive overeater, rushing into eating is an unhealthy action.
I find that intentionally building in a pause before I eat my abstinent meal allows for my sanity to manifest itself and allow me to relish the food I do eat. To enjoy my food is a new and wonderful experience for me that I need to value. The pause gives me time to allow my higher power to wiggle into that space and give me that perspective.
I find too that when the compulsive food thoughts hit and I begin to obsess over a food item, I’ve GOT to pause long enough to surrender! Not try harder…really truly surrender that food item…that food thought…to my higher power. That pause allows for this to occur. I must. I must. I must. I choose Step 3.
The pause gives me a break from the compulsion and allows space for my higher power and sanity to put up the barriers between me and foods I shouldn’t eat and doorways between me and foods I should eat. It is my mini meditation.
“God; Grant me the serenity…”
Was pondering the first words in the Serenity Prayer and how I might internalize specifically the words “grant me.” What do those words mean as applied to my recovery?
To grant means to give or allow.
Or to admit to someone that something is true.
Something granted is a gift for a particular purpose.
To grant is to bestow or confer especially by a formal act.
When I ask my HP to grant me, I hope and trust that all of these will be applicable to me and my recovery!
I also recognized that in the Serenity Prayer, three things are asked to be granted: Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom. A genie traditionally grants three wishes…