Don’t Let Your Pride Kill You

“Keep coming back.”

For me this slogan is a gentler, subtler way of saying, “Don’t let your pride kill you.” My pride and ego tell me that if I go off my food plan, or if I binge, then I should stop going to meetings because I’m too ashamed. My ego likes to convince me that all the other people in OA have this down, and they will judge me if I admit my issues with food are still flaring up. Well- that is a LIE my disease tells me, and if I believe it, it could be a death sentence. Like the Big Book says, “Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help, it is too much for us.” Well, that is how my compulsive eating is cunning, baffling, and powerful: it makes me believe that compulsive eating is something that I should be ashamed of, and I might as well just roll over and let that shame do me in. Well, not today. Today I know that the line in the serenity prayer that asks HP for the courage to change the things I can means that I am asking HP for the courage to first be honest with my sponsor about my food, and then begin to practice gratitude and hope. As long as I am above ground, there is hope. This program works if I work it. Relief from the bondage of binge eating is a gracious gift from HP. There is so much love and acceptance in the rooms of OA. My friends in meetings are supportive, kind and loving. They care about me. They want me to be happy, joyous and free. There is no judgement except for the b.s. lies my disease manufactures to keep me separated from my friends. Before OA I thought that I was separate and terminal- but I know otherwise now. My HP never gives up on me. My friends never give up on me. My sponsor is teaching me how to have a healthy relationship with food one day at a time. I am grateful, and I know I have a spiritual home in OA. I hope that if you are reading this, and if you are scared, that you will come to a meeting anyway. You will be welcomed, and we will be so glad to see you and share our adventures in recovery with you. Keep coming back. ❤